Death, Dying, and Relationships

Okay “touchy” subject here but it has been on my mind a lot lately................someone very close to me is going through a break up and she has called on me for some support and advice (well maybe not advice so much as someone to vent to who understands and that is totally okay with me). It has brought back a lot of memories of my own experience and I have decided that this is something that I need to share.

Divorce or the End of a long Relationship is a lot like someone dying..........the biggest problems are the fact that there is no body to bury and nobody comes around to tell you how wonderful the other person was or how much they will be missed. Well I guess there is a third problem, the fact that this “ghost” is still walking around and unless you jump into witness protection you constantly have the chance of running into them or seeing reminders of them. I resisted the temptation of cutting my x's face out of all the family photos.........so far.

Particularly with Divorce (or the end of a LONG relationship), you have to divide things. I know you already knew you would have to divide stuff..............but what about the friends? Or the favorite place to go after the theater? Or the town celebration that you both loved to volunteer at the gate for?

Sometimes you get to make these decisions, sometimes your x does, and sometimes others do this for you. The fact is that you have to work through these “decisions”, you have to except them and move on. I know, it is easy enough for me to say.............but believe me I have been through it and honestly sometimes it just flat out STINKS but you have to go on.

Other things you may not even think about...............well how about your phone number? I know that in this day of cell phones many people do not have a land line............but back in my day we did. The fact is that it was actually MY phone number that I had (and made the deposit on) before I met him, but since I had added his name to the bill I had to get HIM to call the phone company and okay releasing it back into my name only. Fast forward to today...........what about the cable bill? Or the gym membership? All things you have to decide.

With divorce you go through the SAME stages of grieving that you go through when someone has died. I think this is true whether you were the one that decided to leave or if you were the one that was left. Even the one who “wants out” will have moments of regret, moments of loneliness where they will think of the other, and moments where they will remember the good times and wish they had those times again. And just as in death everyone goes through theses stages differently and for different lengths of time.

It would be awesome if there was a set schedule – you know maybe one week in each stage and your done! The problem, and the heartache of it is that sometimes you slip back into a stage you thought you had passed. The good news is that if you did that stage right the first time you won't be there long.

You just have to keep going forward, even if once in a while you take a step back.............the important thing is to keep moving. The life you were meant to be a part of will find you, I promise.