The Haircut

Ever have a great idea that about 2 minutes into it you decided that this was not so brilliant and maybe one of the stupidest things you have ever done?

Hair...............sometimes it is great and other times a baseball cap won't even cover up the disaster! There are all different types of hair color and hair types...........and just like people they cannot be treated the same!

Now I have very special hair...........it is blond (with natural platinum highlights) and it is FINE! I mean whisper fine..........I mean the type of fine that NASA would think was awesome! Over the years I have had many different types of hair styles from short boys cut to below my shoulders! And even when it was below my shoulders, if you fixed it into a ponytail – the “tail” was no bigger around than my pinkie finger!

There is only ONE way my hair can be cut – and that is with a total – complete – razor cut! That means from start to finish all the stylist can use on my hair is a razor.........no scissors because every scissor snip shows the next day as a jagged or straight cut line. Now I have a LOT of experience in this, heck I have been wearing this hair for 54 years! Over that time I have had great hair cuts, good hair cuts, and some pretty BAD hair cuts!

About 20 years ago hair schools decided to quit teaching razor cuts (I personally think it is because it takes some skill to do the cut........also the fact that it takes a little more time than using scissors and beauticians want to get you in and out). Anyway, when I find an operator that can do a razor cut I stick with them...........and when they are gone it is a major hunt to find a new one!

I have an operator that I have used for the last five years and recently when I decided it was haircut time............darn her! She had decided it was time to have that baby she was carrying! I thought that I could survive six weeks but obligations and the insanity of trying to do something with my hair drove me to hunt someone down.

I stopped in a salon and said “Can ANYONE in here do a COMPLETE razor hair cut?” I had a volunteer...........but still I quizzed........”I mean a COMPLETE razor cut! No scissors, all with the razor!” she assured me she could..............yes I took an idiot pill today.............

And the adventure began...........she began by spaying HAIRSPRAY on my hair, now this was a first for me...................second, well I will just say it...........I have NEVER had my hair cut when it was dry............at least not by a professional! I cut my own bangs more than once when I was little..............it was never a good result.

Do you know that a razor sliding (and I am using that term loosely) through your dry/hair sprayed hair sounds just like walking on dry grass? Besides the fact that the tugging of a semi dull razor through your dry/sprayed hair pulls at the roots! Now she did try a NEW razor first but she decided that the OLD razor cut better...........hell I couldn't tell the difference, they both tugged and hurt the same!

Occasionally she would stop with the razor, tell me not to freak out, and grab the scissors. Each time assuring me that I would never know where she had cut.............yeah right...........I looked in the mirror – I can spot every cut mark. The only bonus was that these were the few times she wasn't pulling my hair out by the roots.

After the cut (torture session) was over she decided that I needed a treat! When it comes to treats humans and dogs are on the same level, we LIKE them! 

She grabbed the towel that she had wiped the razor with................and from several more haircuts judging from the long black strands on it - seriously folks I have seen some hairy backs before that looked clean shaven compared to this towel! :(....................wrapped it around my head and face and rubbed my head. 

This might have been a better experience IF the towel had been clean and IF the rubbing action had not sent countless hairs (many of which were not mine) up my nose and in my mouth. Yes my mouth was closed but she was rubbing all over my head and face!

At last we were done with that and she wanted ME to style my hair with my finger tips. Then she put a gel in it that she assured me would not make it stiff. After this she spotted a hair on my nose and used the previous towel to swat at my face (aka more self and foreign hair up my nose and in my mouth).

We are DONE! Yeah! Oh hell, wait – I get out of the chair and she spots some hairs on my black pants..............here come that damn towel again! I could so commit a crime right now...........the CSI lab folks will go crazy, I am pretty sure I have DNA from at least 50 people clinging to me! My regular operator is in so much trouble! She had better get back from maternity leave soon.............she has a LOT of fixing to do!